Getting back home…
It’s been a long time since I had the motivation to sit and type a single word. It seemed for so long that I had nothing to say and when it comes to writing and sharing ideas stagnating for a second can throw a wrench into the engine of creativity. So to get back on the horse I forced myself to sit and just spit out whatever came to mind.
The first three words to pop into my head were “getting back home.” I didn’t know what it meant at first. I was confused as to why that’s what I thought of but as I’m writing it’s becoming pretty clear.
For almost two years I have been on a personal departure. I packed up in October 2008 and flew 10000 km to live and work in a land I knew nothing about. The impetus for coming is mute at this point because after 693 days I can say that I’m not the man I was when I left.
I shed insecurities, refined future goals, grew my knowledge more than I thought I would, enjoyed more genuinely funny, moving and serious moments than I could have imagined and forged many lasting relationships along the way. While all this has been an excellent journey I have come to realize that all the great times, relationships and personal breakthroughs come at a price. They all take a little piece of you. The drip is so slow that you don’t realize it right away, but like waking up after a wreck of a night you come to and feel a little less than normal.
So begins my mini-journey of snapping out of the daze I’ve been in and picking up the little pieces here and there that I’ll need to take back with me. It’s not a matter of making up for lost time, rectifying regrets or making apologies. All it amounts to is taking the time to evaluate the beginning and the end and understanding that being intact is more important than attempting to reach the next rung on the ladder. It’s a matter of remembering who you were when you took your detour and remembering the way home. It’s easy to get there but somewhere along the way buried under all the trips, booze and beautiful moments you forget what it means to truly be a part of your own life at home…your real home.
What will I really do when I get back? Will I truly be better than when I left? Have I grown in ways that will genuinely contribute to my life and my family? Am I going to matter in ways that will fulfill me?
It’s these questions that mandate the reclamation of yourself before being re-inserted into real life. While they may seem heavy and morose, they are questions that we all ask ourselves without knowing it and only when they need to be answered do we care.
I’m taking the time to do all this and it feels fantastic. If you have the time you should too.